Hour 13: I Miss the Good Ol' Days When Jack Carried Around Heads in Bowling Bags

I realize I'm a horrible blogger considering it's a full week after the episode aired, but aren't you used to it by now? Besides, so many things get in the way, like returning my library books and rearranging my sock drawer.

Well, in case you haven't heard... Click at your own risk. With all the rumors swirling around, I'm not too surprised.

And as if this episode were a harbinger of a downward spiral, the writers made it clear they're ready to move on, too. Not that it wasn't a good episode. It was quite riveting, actually, even with the HUGE rehashed plot device.

Some observsations.

1. Are you kidding me?! A mole inside CTU (Certain Terrorists Undetected)?! NEVER SAW THAT ONE COMING!

It's Nina Myers all over again.

See that "DECEASED" stamped across her face? Hello, writers, that means her plot thread should be killed off, too.

BUT, NO! Nina II aka Denny aka Dana Walsh aka Jenny Scott aka AAARRRRGGGGHHH!

Heck, let's just call her DaNinny.

DaNinny turns out to be a double agent. A quite adept one at that, choking Prady with her iPod USB cable and stowing his body in the conveniently Prady-shaped, easy-open cubby hole.

No doubt she'll come to an appropriate Bauerly end, with Shaggy sobbing in the wings over his little double-crosser. Here's the moment when everyone realizes DaNinny is the mole. Doesn't DaNinny look like she's about to blow a gasket? I'm sure she's about to drive that pyramid-shaped thingy right between Velma's eyes and run out the door. Not hitting a girl with glasses is so 1993.

I just had to share one of THE dumbest movie stills on the planet. What a waste of good celluloid.

2. Hell hath no fury like a Chloe scorned.


















I love it when she packs heat. Nothing like a librarian type gettin' all Conan on people who give her lip.

That's our Chloe, who got to deliver one of the Top Ten lines of the whole series:

I'M NOT GOOD WITH PRAISE!

Kudos to the writers and Mary Lynn Rajskub for giving us one of the best quirky, out-of-the-box, comic relief characters in TV-dom. I'm really gonna miss her.

3. Doogie Howser (Agent Owen) bit it. I knew he would.

Here we see Doogie in an awkward three-way with Jennifer Connally and k.d. lang, apparently.

4. Discreetly Draped Loins of Admiration, Kamistan's only officially sanctioned daytime drama, is forced to cancel mid-season, what with the main heartthrob and female lead seeing each other's naughty bits. In a lily field in the middle of a dangerous lightning storm.

Oh, and then there's that thing with the Stud from Constantinople trying to kill tens of thousands of innocent people in Manhattan thing. There's that. However, I think his conscience is getting to him. We'll see.

All is well at the family reunion, though, when Hassan tells Dalia that he promises to get Kayla an audition with the producers of Sensiz Olmuyor, the Turkish version of Ugly Betty.  

5. MAGIC DUMMY TO THE RESCUE! Magic Dummy takes out two of the snipers (by that I mean killing them, not dropping by Appleby's for surf 'n' turf later) and cops a feel on Jack, all under the guise of "checking" to see if any "bullets" penetrated the "Kevlar."

"You might have a collapsed lung, just like I have a collapsed heart, Jackie, my sweet. Feel my heart; it's beating for you. No, that's my sternum. Go over three inches."

Yo, Jack, put on your crazy wench detector before you go down that road.

She may be able to take out a sniper from 100 yards, but she's a real nut job, that one.

To celebrate their momentary triumph over the terrorists while simultaneously mourning the death of Doogie and that other agent who's already been forgotten, Magic Dummy and Jack stagger into a karaoke bar for a quick shot of tequila and to sing Michael W. Smith's "Friends."

Slightly tipsy and exhausted, Magic Dummy and Jack contemplate not only how difficult finding the terrorists will be, but also how hard it is to sing "Friends" without having a naturally high register.

Next week, DaNinny cooks BBQ Shrimp. 

Hour 12: An Episode Good Enough That I Forgot to Take Notes

I really liked this episode. Not quite as good as the previous two, but still quite intense.

By the way, I came across an interesting Time.com article about Jack's ongoing shenanigans and the future direction of the show. Click through at your own risk.

Because I was glued to the TV and barely took notes, this will be a short post. Sadly, in spite of it being quite riveting, the episode really revealed how the producers have really begun to run out of fresh plot ideas. Saw a lot of rehashed devices.

Some observations.

1. Were any of us surprised when the bad guys pulled the old "drive under an overpass never to exit the other side" trick? I think that's happened at least twice in previous seasons. YAWN.

2. Meanwhile, on Kamistan's only sanctioned daytime drama, Discreetly Draped Loins of Admiration (DDLA)...

...Kayla and Tarin's relationship goes downhill faster than any model Toyota without its brakes, from any year. 

...and this is AFTER risking their lives imagining each other's naughty bits in a lily field in the middle of a dangerous lightning storm. 

3. In a brazen rehash of a plot device within its own season, this episode has the Stud from Constantinople come back from the dead...

(uhh, they forgot to reanimate his clothes, forcing him to seductively contemplate his predicament)

...JUST LIKE JASON SCHWARTZMAN FROM A FEW EPISODES AGO when the kid from the TV show Fame shot him three times!

4. What about File 33?
Samir: I want File 33! Give me File 33!
Hassan: File 33? Never heard of it!
Samir: You've heard of File 33. BRING ME FILE 33 OR KAYLA, STAR OF OUR ONLY OFFICIALLY SANCTIONED DAYTIME DRAMA, DDLA, DIES! FILE 33! I DEMAND IT!
Kayla: Daddy, give him File 33!
Hassan: Never heard of this File 33!
Jack: Mr. President, what about this File 33?
Hassan: I've only heard of File 13!

Dalia: Omar, you're not gonna give them File 33? She's our daughter, and the star of our country's only officially sanctioned daytime drama, DDLA!
Kayla: Yes, father, I'm your only daughter, and the star of our country's only officially sanctioned daytime drama, DDLA. Give them File 33!
Hassan: Uhh. Okay, File 33 it is. Don't be surprised if it's full of top-secret anti-nuclear classified information. Don't say I didn't warn you! This has been so stressful on me, I've ripped my clothes in anguish!

...and put on my favorite long necklace and then change into my horizontally striped mesh shirt. And blow-dry my hair. On my head AND my chest. And stand sexily in front of an oscillating fan. All in anguish, of course. Man, I wish I was on DDLA.

5. Tell me again how many times CTU has been rendered inoperable?! Let's see...it's been bombed, gassed, and now EMP'd. Not only did it do in Security Guard Gerrard, but it also really messed up the Coke machine in the CTU breakroom.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

And, it prompted BBQ Shrimp to run screaming down the hall to save his Red Lobster leftovers being reheated in CTU's only microwave.
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Next week, after a devastating setback, the shattered CTU agency gathers its surviving agents in an attempt to remain feebly in control of the national crisis careening toward a horrible end.
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Hour 11: I Had a Dream, I Had an AWESOME Dream!

I had a dream, I had an AWESOME dream that there were two good 24 episodes in a row, AND IT CAME TRUE!

This episode really rocked. A few observations.

1. In my last post, I joked that Marcos locked himself in a hyperbaric chamber, but in fact, it really WAS a hyperbaric chamber! I kept waiting for the Elephant Man's bones to fall out of a cupboard.

It also looked like it needed a mini-fridge.

2. Don't Shaggy and Denny make a lovely couple, seen here on the CTU crack demolitions team?

Denny doesn't look bad in those pink boots, actually. By the way, I just realized that Freddie Prinze, Jr. played Fred in Scooby Doo, not Shaggy. My bad, but "Shaggy and Denny" is so much fun to say, let's keep it that way.

Anyhoo, back to 24, Shaggy and Denny are grasping what every couple learns early on in any relationship. On the outside, "Smiles, everyone!"...

...while below the surface, it's a putrid quagmire of fear, mistrust, dread, silence, and guilt.


















Did I just say that out loud? Sorry, didn't mean to project.

3. Meanwhile, on Discreetly Draped Loins of Admiration, Kamistan's only officially sanctioned daytime drama, after surviving looking at each other's naughty bits in a lily field in the middle of a dangerous lightning storm...

...Kayla and the Stud from Constantinople start talking sexy, discussing such erotic things as their really overdone vaguley British accents, how to seek asylum in America, and living as political refugees. Tarin mentions that he won't be able to afford her the lifestyle she's used to. As in all romantic B-movies, she replies, "I don't care about any of that."

Hey, Kayla, talk to us after six weeks of eating Ramen noodles and waiting tables at Waffle House.

That is THE least-Muslim hairstyle I've ever seen. Great disguise!

4. After poking fun at Mare Winningham and her granny panties (complete with breezy cotton panel) last week...

...I have to say that the scenes between Elaine and Marcos, as well as Jack's subsequent cold-blooded threats, were some of the best-acted scenes of the entire series since Day One.

Mare's take on a terrified, desperate mother was spot on. Riveting and quite moving.

5. In true Jack style, Jack (seen here taking a power nap) once again proves his immortality...

...by surviving Marcos' typically unsurvivable yet sadly unpreventable explosive metamorphosis from religious zealot to lots of spaghetti sauce.

I will miss the guy from the TV show Fame. By the way, did I mention how much I enjoyed it when Jack relentlessly tickled the guy from the TV show Fame to get him to talk? He tickled him so hard, his nose bled. Jack takes his tickling VERY seriously. Fun times.

6. It was also very nice to see Stephen Root join the cast as Bill Prady, DiCaprio from Gangs of New York's parole officer. He is such a great character actor. I last saw him as hapless vampire Eddie Gautier on True Blood.

He's going to make Denny so uncomfortable, she'll probably start hissing her words through gritted teeth again, just like Kirk Douglas.

Now, had she been wearing this outfit all along, DiCaprio from Gangs of New York, BBQ Shrimp, Arlo, AND Chloe might've all left her alone.

My only hope is that Stephen Root will still be a vampire and turn the entire cast into the undead. Then the ratings will go up.

Geez, Magic Dummy looks really, really bad as a zombie. That's her with the long hair.

7. I KNEW THE STUD FROM CONSTANTINOPLE WAS A BAD GUY (seen here with a strange notch in his eyebrow)! I KNEW IT!

Of course, I have no way to prove my prescient suspicions as I've not mentioned them before, but I just didn't trust him (in my head, at least, which is how I am with most people). Besides, since we're only in Hour 11, something had to go awry, didn't it?  

8. What? No Magic Dummy this episode? 

 

There. All better. There's nothing quite like a woman in love, is there? Just look at her!

Next week, BBQ Shrimp runs down the hall, yelling "SECURITY!"

That's what happens when you forget to label your food in the office fridge. Someone swipes it.

Last time he looked, his leftovers from Red Lobster were there, right behind the enormous head of cauliflower.

Hour 10: Like an Oasis Amidst a Vast Swamp of Stagnation, So Was This Episode

For the most part, I really liked this one! It was paced really well and for a sitcom, wasn't too implausible.

A few observations.

1. I like how Denny and Shaggy talk in code. Apparently "I'll call the police" actually means "Let's put these dead scumbags in the Silence of the Lambs van AND PUT THEM IN THE RIVER!"

And I'm sorry, but NO ONE has noticed that they've now been gone about two hours?! Yeah, right.

2. I figured out why BBQ Shrimp gets on my nerves: HE TALKS TOO MUCH! The producers use him to keep the audience up to date, and it's really not necessary. I wish they would tone down his abundant synopses.

3. In spite of my previous statement, BBQ GOT HIM SOME COJONES! I appreciated the way he stood up to Weiss, forcing Weiss to slap the door jamb half-heartedly as if he were starring in a junior-high production of A Streetcar Named Desire. And didn't Hastings use the phrase "The hook has been baited" at some point? We all know what the hook was baited with...

4. The verbal standoff between President Taylor and President Hassan rocked. President Taylor really showed her BRASS SPHERES OF THUNDER, threatening an all-out invasion if he didn't hand over the security files.

We haven't seen these since Martha Logan was around.

5. Considering she put her own daughter in prison, I thought it was touching for Prez Taylor to empathize with Hassan. She seemed genuinely concerned (as concerned as a character in an implausible Fox drama CAN be) when Hassan revealed that Kayla, star of Kamistan's only daytime drama, Discreetly Draped Loins of Admiration, had gone missing to get her freak on with Tarin, the Studcake from Constantinople. In a field of lilies during a dangerous lightning storm.

That was a nifty wrestling move they displayed right before cutting to a commercial.

Sexy.

6. Poor Jason Schwartzman seemingly kicks the bucket...

...but is instead apparently rendered immortal with CTU's special reanimation technology...

...or so that kid from the Fame TV show thought...

...when he shot him four times WITHOUT KILLING HIM!

7. What the heck is Mare Winningham doing on 24?

I kept expecting Rob Lowe to come in and snap her granny underwear right there in her own bed!

Those of you who don't get my reference here, don't worry about it.

8. Magic Dummy needs to be put in storage. She's stomping up and down on my last nerve.

 

Here she sits on Arlo's lap during his coffee break, looking alarmingly like Shirley MacLaine in a longshoreman's outfit.  

I loved how her call to Jack magically coincided with the only three-second lull during the entire 24-hour national crisis. To do what? Fret about their relationship. GEEZ! Someone please put her in a wood chipper!

9. Poor little Doogie Howser (Agent Owen) looked like a deer caught in the headlights...

...but he did step up to the plate. Good for him! However, I do have an uneasy feeling that Doogie's not long for this world.

10. Meanwhile, that kid from Fame...

...miraculously survives a fall out of a second-story window only to lock himself in either a fancy sauna or Michael Jackson's hyperbaric chamber...

...forcing Jack to use his AT&T calling card. That can't be good.

Next week, that kid from Fame gets past CTU using a clever disguise.