Hour 13: I Miss the Good Ol' Days When Jack Carried Around Heads in Bowling Bags

I realize I'm a horrible blogger considering it's a full week after the episode aired, but aren't you used to it by now? Besides, so many things get in the way, like returning my library books and rearranging my sock drawer.

Well, in case you haven't heard... Click at your own risk. With all the rumors swirling around, I'm not too surprised.

And as if this episode were a harbinger of a downward spiral, the writers made it clear they're ready to move on, too. Not that it wasn't a good episode. It was quite riveting, actually, even with the HUGE rehashed plot device.

Some observsations.

1. Are you kidding me?! A mole inside CTU (Certain Terrorists Undetected)?! NEVER SAW THAT ONE COMING!

It's Nina Myers all over again.

See that "DECEASED" stamped across her face? Hello, writers, that means her plot thread should be killed off, too.

BUT, NO! Nina II aka Denny aka Dana Walsh aka Jenny Scott aka AAARRRRGGGGHHH!

Heck, let's just call her DaNinny.

DaNinny turns out to be a double agent. A quite adept one at that, choking Prady with her iPod USB cable and stowing his body in the conveniently Prady-shaped, easy-open cubby hole.

No doubt she'll come to an appropriate Bauerly end, with Shaggy sobbing in the wings over his little double-crosser. Here's the moment when everyone realizes DaNinny is the mole. Doesn't DaNinny look like she's about to blow a gasket? I'm sure she's about to drive that pyramid-shaped thingy right between Velma's eyes and run out the door. Not hitting a girl with glasses is so 1993.

I just had to share one of THE dumbest movie stills on the planet. What a waste of good celluloid.

2. Hell hath no fury like a Chloe scorned.


















I love it when she packs heat. Nothing like a librarian type gettin' all Conan on people who give her lip.

That's our Chloe, who got to deliver one of the Top Ten lines of the whole series:

I'M NOT GOOD WITH PRAISE!

Kudos to the writers and Mary Lynn Rajskub for giving us one of the best quirky, out-of-the-box, comic relief characters in TV-dom. I'm really gonna miss her.

3. Doogie Howser (Agent Owen) bit it. I knew he would.

Here we see Doogie in an awkward three-way with Jennifer Connally and k.d. lang, apparently.

4. Discreetly Draped Loins of Admiration, Kamistan's only officially sanctioned daytime drama, is forced to cancel mid-season, what with the main heartthrob and female lead seeing each other's naughty bits. In a lily field in the middle of a dangerous lightning storm.

Oh, and then there's that thing with the Stud from Constantinople trying to kill tens of thousands of innocent people in Manhattan thing. There's that. However, I think his conscience is getting to him. We'll see.

All is well at the family reunion, though, when Hassan tells Dalia that he promises to get Kayla an audition with the producers of Sensiz Olmuyor, the Turkish version of Ugly Betty.  

5. MAGIC DUMMY TO THE RESCUE! Magic Dummy takes out two of the snipers (by that I mean killing them, not dropping by Appleby's for surf 'n' turf later) and cops a feel on Jack, all under the guise of "checking" to see if any "bullets" penetrated the "Kevlar."

"You might have a collapsed lung, just like I have a collapsed heart, Jackie, my sweet. Feel my heart; it's beating for you. No, that's my sternum. Go over three inches."

Yo, Jack, put on your crazy wench detector before you go down that road.

She may be able to take out a sniper from 100 yards, but she's a real nut job, that one.

To celebrate their momentary triumph over the terrorists while simultaneously mourning the death of Doogie and that other agent who's already been forgotten, Magic Dummy and Jack stagger into a karaoke bar for a quick shot of tequila and to sing Michael W. Smith's "Friends."

Slightly tipsy and exhausted, Magic Dummy and Jack contemplate not only how difficult finding the terrorists will be, but also how hard it is to sing "Friends" without having a naturally high register.

Next week, DaNinny cooks BBQ Shrimp.