Some observations.
1. Mommy Dearest is in da house...
...AND SHE'S A DADDY!!!!!!
WHOA! Just imagine the Christmas conversation at the Sergei Bazhaev residence THIS year:
Svetlana: "Babushka, please pass the cabbage pirozhki."
Babushka: "Svetlana, my beautiful granddaughter! My darling solnyshko, you're TOO SKINNY! Eat more pashka! Where is my other grandson, the one called Oleg?"
Svetlana: "Yes, Josef, where is our brother, the one called Oleg? Didn't he recover from that food poisoning he got from the really bad Mexican place on Broadway and 51st (the one called Murrieta's), and which kept him (the one called Oleg) from our sight for an abnormally long time, perhaps days or maybe weeks even?"
Josef: "Svetlana, our brother, the one called Oleg, is not here because Dad (the one called Sergei Bazhaev, our father) shot him, three times to be exact, after it was clear he contracted radiation poisoning from transporting weapons-grade uranium and would thereby be discovered by our enemies, also thereby displaying the kind of weakness our crime syndicate cannot afford. Then he (the one called Sergei, our father) beat me (the one called Josef) for trying to take him (the one called Oleg) to get urgent medical care, before which his henchman (the ones called Rasputin, Nicolai, Hemlock, and Smitty) massacred the entire doctor's office staff, except for the doctor himself (the one called Dr. Levine), whom they shot later. They even shot all the potted plants (the ones called ficus and Boston fern), just to be safe."
Babushka: "WHAT?! AGAIN?! SERGEI, MY LITTLE KOTIK, IS THIS TRUE?! ABOUT THE ONE CALLED OLEG?!"
Sergei: Mother, I'd like more meat, the one called roast goose. Svetlana, my little zaichik, mind your own business...AND JOSEF, NEVER DISOBEY ME AGAIN OR TALK OF THIS CONVERSATION OR THE ONE CALLED OLEG AGAIN! EVER! Now, my little lapochka, please pass the kissel."
Utter silence ensues as Josef (the one called scared crapless) once again continues the festive holiday tradition of peeing himself.
2. Dana nonchalantly makes $120,000 easily available to clear-talking Leo DiCaprio from Gangs of New York, thereby proving that C.T.U. stands for Can't Trust Underlings.
Sing it with me: "Every kiss begins with K!"
...as in KEVIN KEEPS 120K! Geez, what INKOMPETENCE!
At one point, I was sure I heard Dana reply to Hastings' (aka Biggie Shrimp), "I'm on it, sir (as soon as I embezzle $120,000 at a rate of $120/month for just over 83 years)."
3. I hate to say this, but one of the highlights of this episode was the U2-ish soundtrack. Did anyone else notice it? It sounded more edgy and less cop-show-ish than previous seasons.
4. In response to Hassan's continued internal crackdown in the country of Schadenfreude, Prez Taylor, in order to buy time, says she wants to take the temperature of the other delegates.
"Good God, I hope it's oral this time!" thought the delegate from Latvia.
5. CTU's Arlo Glass is a little blip who needs to be squished with a flyswatter.
Don't be leering after our Chloe, you scrawny rat-a$$ punk! Even his hair and prepubescent wisp of a beard make me angry.
6. Here we see Jack undercover as German arms dealer Ernst Meier.
Or is this him?
Wait, here's another shot, only slightly better. Good lord, he looks like a goofball.
I did think he was very convincing and effective, especially when Shaggy took out most of the bad guys from the roof of the parking garage next door! Probably the best moment of the episode.
7. As we know, Magic Dummy got her freak on. BIG TIME. Egad! Back to the showers, girl! You put your time in. EW!
Here Renee goes the extra mile and fulfills Vlad's "Let's Pretend You're a Salvage Yard Worker And I Pick You Up at a Disco" fantasy.
Next week: Another riveting hour of Jack listening to Renee over his headset.
I'm hoping and praying that now that Jack is about to get inside Vlad's inner sanctum, we'll see more of him in action. His just sitting there, listening intently, is a true yawner. In the meantime...
...Biggie Shrimp strategizes his next cutthroat tactic against terrorism!
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