Well, I will now be muy ocupado on Monday nights, so will be watching Jack Bauer gets his nipples electrocuted online. Don't count on me getting the blog posted until, oh, maybe three weeks after the original airdate.
Some thoughts.
1. Implausible plot device #1: Dana Walsh Voted World's Most Gullible Federal Agent. Dana/Jenny (who will now be called Denny) actually believed DiCaprio in Gangs of New York when he said, "Sure, Denny, I'll leave you alone"? Are you kidding me? He's a sociopath with a psychopath for a best friend. Apparently his clear enunciation lulled her into a false sense of security. Just look at her, taking it all in, hook, line, and sinker.
2. Implausible plot device #2: Jason Schwartzman gets a gun pointed to his head. That said, based on this picture, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often.
3. Implausible plot device #3: Why cook borscht when you can torture German arms dealers?
Sergei: I am making borscht in honor of the one called Oleg. I shot him and then the one called Josef put him in ground behind church. To honor the one called Oleg, I will put up big sign in middle of restaurant, the one called "Sergei's House of Borscht." I will call the dish "The Borscht Made in Honor of the Dead One Called Oleg, Son of the One Called Sergei and Brother to the Ones Called Svetlana and Boris, I Mean, Josef." For short, we will call it "Borscht #2."
Dimitri, the One With Broken Neck Soon: But, boss, what about Ernst and Jung downstairs?
Sergei: But borscht in middle of being prepared!
Dimitri, the One Who Gets Scissored Soon: But don't we need information from him, the one we call Jumper Cable?
Sergei: You are right, Dimitri (the one I call Illegitimate Son with Barmaid). Why cook borscht when you can torture German arms dealer? The beets will wait!
4. Implausible plot device #4: Jack and Sergei eventually become the best of pals, especially implausible after Jack trashes the place AND interrupts the making of the borscht!
Sergei: I was making borscht in honor of the one called Oleg. I was going to put up big sign in middle of restaurant, the one called "Sergei's House of Borscht." I was going to call dish "The Borscht Made in Honor of the Dead One Called Oleg, Son of the One Called Sergei and Brother to the Ones Called Svetlana and Boris, I Mean, Josef." For short, we were going to call it "Borscht #2." But now that I had to shoot you with shotgun, (and did you notice how buckshot not go through tables and hit your jugular like I want them to, but just break all that expensive crystal from the country called Taiwan?), I now have no tables for putting under the borscht.
Jack: I'm sorry, Sergei. I was diving for my life. I may have pooped myself.
Sergei: Yes, I commend you for moving faster than Russian mafia man going to fur coat sale. For that, and for me killing for nothing the one called Oleg, I will give you location of nuclear rods.
5. Implausible plot device #5: Broad-shouldered Denny plans to mete out her revenge. During her official 15-minute smoke break. For me, this was the most ridiculous scene of the episode. First, the fact that this counter-terrorism employee can go undetected for tens of minutes (in spite of Arlo's half-hearted concern). Second, the fact that all the director could coax out of this actress was the time-worn "As I look into the distance, I'm fantasizing about solving all my problems by getting revenge against my abusive boyfriend, not caring one iota about the effect that murdering two a-holes will have on my career or my impending nuptials" look. Is mental instability now a prerequisite for snagging a position at CTU?
6. Implausible plot device #6, but not implausible to 24: Whenever Jack "goes to sleep," people die.
Trustworthy:
8. Implausible plot device #8: Magic Dummy goes from being a kick-a$$ undercover agent to a fretting puddle of mush in the span of one hour. You know, Renee going berserk and stabbing Jack and then fretting about Jack at every turn, her voice quivering with uncertainty, is wearing pretty thin with me. And with Chloe.
Until Magic Dummy can reunite with Jack and express her undying love and gratitude...
Jack: "Renee, wake up! WHY, IN GOD'S NAME, DO YOU KEEP DRESSING LIKE ME?!"
Next week: The One Called Josef "Delivers the Borscht," if you know what I mean...
...but not before running into that Paul Bettany stalker. AGAIN!
5. Implausible plot device #5: Broad-shouldered Denny plans to mete out her revenge. During her official 15-minute smoke break. For me, this was the most ridiculous scene of the episode. First, the fact that this counter-terrorism employee can go undetected for tens of minutes (in spite of Arlo's half-hearted concern). Second, the fact that all the director could coax out of this actress was the time-worn "As I look into the distance, I'm fantasizing about solving all my problems by getting revenge against my abusive boyfriend, not caring one iota about the effect that murdering two a-holes will have on my career or my impending nuptials" look. Is mental instability now a prerequisite for snagging a position at CTU?
6. Implausible plot device #6, but not implausible to 24: Whenever Jack "goes to sleep," people die.
This was the first thing Little Toddler Teri learned about Grampaw Jack.
7. Implausible plot device #7: Whenever Jack needs something to be faulty, it will be; whenever it needs to be trustworthy, it will be.
Faulty:
Trustworthy:
8. Implausible plot device #8: Magic Dummy goes from being a kick-a$$ undercover agent to a fretting puddle of mush in the span of one hour. You know, Renee going berserk and stabbing Jack and then fretting about Jack at every turn, her voice quivering with uncertainty, is wearing pretty thin with me. And with Chloe.
Until Magic Dummy can reunite with Jack and express her undying love and gratitude...
...CTU just needs to give her some Tylenol PM so she can quit taking up space in otherwise marginally interesting scenes.
Jack: "Renee, wake up! WHY, IN GOD'S NAME, DO YOU KEEP DRESSING LIKE ME?!"
Next week: The One Called Josef "Delivers the Borscht," if you know what I mean...
...but not before running into that Paul Bettany stalker. AGAIN!
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